By Caoimhe May
The great big ship capsized, the fear had you paralyzed,
And so, you could not realise, until it was no longer a surprise
And the sinking, it progressed, and as though I was possessed
I hereby openly confess, I became totally obsessed.
An obsession with my fear of society, that grew so strong inside of me
Trying to edge away yet politely from everyone and hiding the anxiety.
It became like an infection, although I think I should mention,
If you were to pay attention, it sparked from retrospection.
The obsession of perfection, fear of any correction,
Of societal rejection, even of my own reflection
The power to sense any tension, in perpetual suspension
And despite my introspection, it wasn’t my intention
That this mental abreption would lead to my depression.
There begins the numbness, the long periods of dumbness
The really painful sinking, the suicidal thinking
That back of mind thinking that your insides must be shrinking
And the vision of the surface, begins to lose it’s purpose
Because the light on top is less visible and you become more miserable
And everything makes you irritable and you repeat: this is horrible, it’s horrible
Your life seems ever so dismal to do simple things you’re just not unable
Your thoughts for life are so unclear, you simple want to disappear
How and why did you even get here? And how come it’s so difficult to shed one tear?
Getting up in the morning out of bed, it fills you with a sickening dread
Of having to endure the day ahead, why can’t you just stay in bed instead?
But to stay in bed is to procrastinate, and the next problem will frustrate.
If I stay in bed too late, it may have an effect on my weight
So out of bed I evacuate, into a world in which I’m an inmate
I feel the increase of my heartrate, and the danger of my lungs to suffocate
To stop the hunger I hydrate, and on I go and emaciate.
Often my head begins to spin, the more I lose, the more I’m thin,
Breakable hair, dried out skin, calories out equal calories in.
If you don’t like what’s on the scale, well I guess you can call that a fail.
Scrutinise every single detail, oh the joys of falling victim to the “perfect” female.
Until you’ve achieved the desired shape, I’m afraid there is no other escape
Despite the fact your bones may ache, or you cannot stay awake
You have to stay in full control, keep on track to reach that perfect goal
The goal that lies in an endless hole, that kidnaps you and steals your soul.
But listen to me, you need to know, your life is worth much more than a few kilo
It’s worth more than living up to some fake photo, you need to recover, you need to let go.
Fight those thoughts, learn how to say “no”, you must create a new manifesto
I know you could feel very low, but it’s gonna get better, be it quick or slow.
This whole experience, will help you grow, at the end of a storm will be a rainbow.
But for people to see this, for people to know, we need to start talking, more experiences shown
We need to end the stigmatism
Be it through campaigns, speeches, social media or feminism.
We need to cease our criticism, stop saying silly things as a euphemism.
This society’s approach is a form of terrorism, through judging, ignoring, oblivion, racism
We need to end this disgusting schism, what is the point of narcissism?
When it does no good, it’s just negativism, I need your help with this activism.
To end mental health sigma sectarianism, it’s at the top of my list, it’s my optimism.
So, are you going to help me with my vision?
Or are you going to keep hidden, inside your own prison.