Legacy – Be Who You Are #46 #cong24 #legacy

Synopsis:

I wrote this case study to demonstrate where my values came from.
  • History is where our legacy comes from
  • We need to understand our values and why we do what we do
  • I use these values to live my life and help others to discover theirs
  • When their values are aligned and free from negative emotions magic happens
  • Their beliefs change and become more positive through the work we do
  • My aim is to provide a memorable and positive legacy that helps to make this a better world

Total Words

1,239

Reading Time in Minutes

5

Key Takeaways:

  1. Vision
  2. Motivation
  3. Confidence
  4. Courage to make a difference

About Carol Passemard

For the past 15 years I have been a trainer in Neuro Linguistic Programming, Timeline Therapy and Hypnosis.

I am in the business of transforming peoples’ lives in order to help them discover who they are and how they can create a more positive future for themselves.

Contacting Carol Passemard:

You can connect with Carol through Facebook and LinkedIn

By Carol Passemard

Alan was born in London in 1927.  He was an only child and educated at Dulwich College.

In 1944 he left his parental home to find out about joining the Merchant Navy in Liverpool.  He lied about his age and was accepted as an apprentice on a ship bound for India.  He had told his mother he was just going away for a weekend!

Alan rose through the ranks to 2nd Mate. In 1948 he chose to give up the Merchant Navy and instead applied for a place at Peterhouse, Cambridge to study Geography and English.  He loved rowing and was captain of the College Boat Club.

He left Cambridge with a BA degree in 1951 and was appointed housemaster of a boys boarding house at Wellington School, Somerset.  The only problem was that this appointment required him to have a wife, so he married Sheila who had qualified as a state registered nurse.  She became a wonderful housemistress and excellent matron to the 16 boys who resided with them.  They all had to share bathroom facilities and Alan remembers asking Jeffrey Archer to move up so he could have some space to shave.

Alan and Sheila had two children born in 1952 and 1955 while still living in Gatehouse with the 16 boys.

In 1958 the family moved to Uppingham School where Alan taught English, Latin and Religious Studies.  Their third daughter was born in 1960.  The family lived in a large Tudor House which was cold and run down, but at least they had accommodation provided by the school.  Much to Sheila’s delight there were no boys living with them.

Alan was appointed Headmaster in 1964 to Wells Cathedral School.  There were 340 boys aged between 7 – 18. The school provided the Cathedral with around 16 choristers.

Alan and his family moved into a very large boarding house called, The Cedars.  Sixty boys, two matrons, two housemasters and Alan’s family all lived together.  At least this time Alan’s family had their own bathroom.   The family were provided meals from the school kitchen, even during the holidays.

It was part of Alan’s salary package!  And of course this arrangement provided year round employment for the kitchen staff.

Within that first year living in Wells, Alan soon recognised the horror of what was expected of him.  He was heard saying, one day – “Oh God! What have I done?!”

The school was clearly failing and faster than he could have imagined.  His confidence was at rock bottom.  To make things worse certain members of staff would send him very long letters in the holidays telling him all the things he was doing wrong!

However, not to be beaten, he decided that with the help of an outside advisor and support of the governors who played a very active role in the school, he would set up an appeal to build the biggest sports hall in the West of England.  This required a huge amount of extra work and his two older daughters were seen returning from their own school, an hour away,  and set to work stuffing hundreds of envelopes with letters inviting donations to the school’s appeal.

On July 3rd 1969.  Alan’s vision was realised and the Queen Mother came to open the Sports Hall.

He constantly worried about what would happen to the school if a Labour government came into power?  Would they survive?  What was the next thing he needed to do to keep the school going?

All of his fears and concerns were played out during family meals.  Nothing was kept secret.  This was a place where Alan was able to display all of his lack of confidence.  As soon as he was out in public he acted as if he were a man full of confidence and bravado.

His next vision was to introduce girls into the school.  Questions arose. Where should they start?  At the sixth form or the lower end of the school.  After much family discussion and, no doubt debating with the governors, it was decided to admit girls at the lower end and for them to grow up through the school, allowing the boys to get used to having girls around them, and probably vice versa.

September 1969 saw the first 12 girl boarders and 17 day girls arrive.  The school is now fully co-educational.

Another of Alan’s visionary ideas was to make Wells Cathedral School famous.  He had a passion for music, despite being unable to play his mother’s beautiful baby grand piano that lived in his study or be able to sing a note in tune.  However  he never lacked focus and determination.

He started by inviting Yrfah Neaman, principal violinist at the Guildhall School of music to come and meet with him and discuss setting up a scheme for musically gifted violinists.  This led to further meetings with Yehudi Menuhin, Meredith Davis and other eminent musicians.

Since those darker days the school has gone from strength to strength and has recently celebrated its 50th anniversary in launching the scheme for Musically Gifted Children.

In 2017 a beautiful room was dedicated to Alan,  in what used to be the old Theological College, opposite the cathedral.  It is known as the Quilter Hall.  Many lunchtime concerts are played there by students and appreciated by the public.

Alan Quilter was my father and I, his first born.  I remember those days living in Wellington, Uppingham and  the early years of living in the Cedars.

Life moved on when I left home in 1970.  I look back on those very tough days and my father’s lack of confidence. Despite that, Alan’s remarkable vision and tenacity made this beautiful school world famous.

 Today there are 700 attending.  There is a purpose built concert hall and many of the very old buildings have been transformed to accommodate the children.

Vicar’s Close, the oldest street in England houses many staff and students.  The buzz during school term time is palpable and the sound of music is everywhere.

My father would be incredibly proud of the legacy he has left behind.  His legacy continues to live on in the enormous talent of young musicians today, alongside others who may have chosen a more academic slant to their studies and careers.

Alan Quilter passed away on February 14th 1998 at the age of 70.

November 13, 2024 2024 Legacy No comments yet

Why is Purpose so important to achieving a successful outcome? #2 #cong22

Synopsis:

When we know our true purpose and what we are aiming for life gets easier.  It provides focus and clarity.  When working with others it is crucial that the team are clear on purpose. 

Total Words

1,546

Reading Time in Minutes

6

Key Takeaways:

In order to seek clarity of purpose we need to explore:

  1. Why
  2. What
  3. How
  4. Review

About Carol Passemard

Founder of Breakthrough Retreat.

  • Helping others to discover their life purpose and who they really are
  • Encouraging them to follow their heart and make the most out of their lives
  • Supporting them through eradicating all the negative unconscious behaviours that have been holding them back for so long
  • Guiding them as they rebuild their lives with the knowledge they are at last living their true core values
  • Giving them permission to be happy

How did Carol gain the experience to be successful in this field?

  • Trained as a nurse over 50 years ago
  • Went through the university of life
  • Was a young mother
  • Worked in a variety of careers around her children’s lives when they were young
  • Over 25years as a Director in Quality Business Management Ltd until it’s closure in 2016 due to retirement
  • Coached Teamworking and Presentation Skills workshops for both public and private sector organisations
  • Trainer in Neuro Linguistic Programming, Timeline Therapy and Hypnosis
  • Fulfilled her life’s purpose by moving to Ireland and giving herself permission to be happy

Contacting Carol Passemard

You can connect with Carol on Facebook and LinkedIn or via email.

By Carol Passemard

Have you ever experienced children between the ages of 0-7 who constantly ask the question, Why?

  • Why do we have to go to bed?
  • Why do we have to go to school?
  • Why do we need to eat our dinner before we get our sweets?

And a myriad of other questions – Why?

We all lead busy lives and it is very easy to reply with:  “because I told you so….” But you have not satisfied their enquiring minds.  All they want to know is the purpose – what is expected of them.  What are the boundaries?

The word because provides them with history and that can often air on the side of negativity:

“Because you have been naughty today, because you had a late night last night”

“Because everyone has to go to school whether you like it or not! Because you have to learn your lessons.”

“Because you have not eaten anything all day.”

etc etc…

None of those responses are particularly attractive or motivating to a child.

Many of us in adult life are still behaving in this way!

In the early 1990s my late husband, Paul, was doing some consultancy work in the UK Treasury.  There he found himself in a meeting with Ian who he had not seen for 17 years.  In those days they had both been working for Esso and attended an intensive teamworking training course with a company called Coverdale.

During their meeting in the Treasury, Paul and Ian discovered they were both using the same techniques they had learned whilst working with Esso.  The techniques were all based around “Purpose” and were known to them as “A Methodical Approach to getting work done”.

Here are some interesting statistics:

When embarking on a project or task in business the way we think tends to fit into four distinct categories:

  1. Why?

Around 35% of a group will be asking the question ‘Why?”  These people are seeking meaning.  They need to be involved and motivated from the outset of an idea.  They learn by listening and sharing ideas with others.  These people are usually innovators and their questions need to be satisfied before they are bought into an idea/project/task.

  1. What?

What is this all about? Those who fit into this category are seeking information and 22% of a group will need more information before they are prepared to commit to anything new.  For these people it is important to change our language to gain their commitment.

For example:  In reference to the children’s questions notice what happens when we respond with “In order to…”

  • “In order to listen to the story we started last night we shall then find out what happens to the princess.”
  • “In order to discover what you are really brilliant at and find the best opportunities in life for you.So you can thrive and be happy
  • “In order to have fit healthy bodies and then you can enjoy have fun”

You may well have to drill down to some specifics in order to really motivate your children.

Notice that those three simple words “in order to” throw you out into the future and can make life so much more positive.

The same happens in business.  You will find greatly improved rapport from your team when they understand purposeand have information that backs up the purpose of an idea/project or task.

  1. How?

Have you noticed in your team that occasionally as soon as you suggest a new idea/project/task some of the team (around 18%) will immediately jump into action!  They want to know how things work.  These people learn by testing theories in ways that make sense to them.  These people are extremely useful in a team once you have established:

  • A clear purpose
  • Who your customer is
  • What you are wanting as an outcome
  • How long you have got to make it happen
  • What has to be done in order to achieve your outcome
  • You have a clear plan
  • And you are at a stage when you are ready to allocate tasks

Then you are ready to go into action.

BUT if you try to bring them on board at the concept of an idea they can cost you time and money by derailing and confusing that simple question – Why are we doing this project?  They are not really interested in purpose.  They just want to get on with the job.

  1. Self Discovery

Finally there are some team members (around 25%) who are on the path of self-discovery.   They seek hidden possibilities.  They need to know what can be done with things.  They learn by trial and error.  They have a tendency to procrastinate and keep asking questions before taking action.  The best way to satisfy their needs is to be very clear on purpose before involving them and then you can give them a clear idea on what you are aiming for – your intended outcome. Prefix your answers with:  “Just suppose we get this task completed by (time and date) imagine how we shall be seen as a successful team who is prepared to work together in order to achieve our intended outcome.

Over 20 years ago Paul and I designed and set up our own teamworking workshops and spent a lot of time working with both public and private organisation assisting them in learning life changing skills all around Purpose.  We ran a 4-day workshop that included both indoor and outdoor activities that helped our clients recognise the importance of having a Methodical Approach to Getting Work Done.  Not only did this include being very clear on purpose, they also learned many other life changing skills around:

  • Observation
  • Giving and receiving feedback
  • Starting a project and handing it on to a new group part way through
  • Taking on a project that had been started by someone else and seeing it through to a successful conclusion
  • Listening
  • Effective communication
  • The importance of constant review
    • what went well and why
    • what was not so successful
    • how can we plan to improve for next time
  • Skills that were needed to be part of a team
  • Skill to lead a team

We had a lot of fun conducting these workshops and in 2000, as our millennium project, we took our workshop to St Vincent in the Caribbean to work with the Bishop of the Windward Islands, his clergy, youth group leaders and other members of staff.  It was a memorable and wonderful experience.

Last year a UK government department, who had heard about our workshops, contacted me and asked me to run a teamworking workshop for 22 of their staff.  However due to their time constraints and COVID; the rules and the workshop had to change.  My client only had time to have 5 half-day sessions and they had to be conducted online.

Not to be outdone by this Paul and I designed a very successful workshop that meant we divided them into 3 groups.  I ran the sessions over about 5 weeks.  At the outset the group were very negative and grumpy about having to give up precious time. By the final session they were motivated and recognised the usefulness of the skills they had learned and could be used in any team situation in the future.  Wherever they may be working.  The feedback was very positive.

It was a tremendous tribute to Paul who had taught me all the skills included in the course.  He passed away soon after it had ended.  His purpose in this life was done.  With a smile on his face, his final words to me were “On to my next career!”  I have no doubt somewhere he is sharing his amazing talents with other beings.  RIP Paul.

September 7, 2022 2022 Purpose No comments yet

The Door is Always Open #4 #cong19

Synopsis:

The Door is Always Open is about why we explored our values in the context of moving to a new community, what we were looking for and how we moved to a completely new community. Once we had moved the next step was to ensure we took responsibility to integrate and how we have been rewarded this year when we have needed help.

4 Key Takeaways:

  1. Prioritising what’s important to us in a community
  2. Participating in the community
  3. Giving and receiving
  4. Appreciating others

About Carol Passemard:

moved to Ireland from the UK 10 years ago; along with my husband and it was the best thing we have ever done. I have lived in many different places both in the UK and the Middle East and been through the ‘University of Life!’ In moving to Connemara I finally feel as if I have come home even though I am not Irish. I also moved my business, Breakthrough Retreat. Most of my clients come to work on a 1:1 basis (or as a couple) – they usually stay in Clifden for 2 to 3 days. Why do they want my assistance? because they are stuck and at a crossroads in their life. They come from all over Ireland, UK, Europe and I even had a client come from Brazil last year. What I do is help them discover the tools and techniques that can help them to build a better life for themselves. Despite the challenges clients have to deal with clients they usually leave here knowing what they need to do in make change happen. My approach is holistic and it is not counselling. Should they require further assistance after their Breakthrough Retreat we work online. It is very rewarding and a privilege to work with clients who then go and make a significant difference to their lives.

Contacting Carol Passemard:

You can follow Carol on BreakThroughRetreat or contact her through email.

 

By Carol Passemard

During 2005 we started to think about our Autumn years and to explore places that we might move to when our own much loved home would be too big and difficult for us to manage.

We wanted to be near the sea and although we loved the countryside where we were living, in the Pennines between Manchester and Leeds, we were a good two hours drive from any kind of sea.

At the time I was completing some training that focused on the importance of values in peoples’ lives. Using the techniques I was trained in we started to discuss what was really important to each of us and where we dreamed of living.

  • What would it look like
  • Were there any sounds that were important to us
  • Were there any feelings we had
  • What would we say to ourselves when we finally found the place of our dreams?

The list we came up with was as follows:

  • Big skies (we had those already)
  • South facing – Light was important to us (in the Pennines we had learned about the lack of light in the deep dark valleys around us)
  • Sea view – not something we had
  • A place we could renovate and make it 3 bedrooms
  • Close to a community (we had had a taster of community but never really felt that we belonged)
  • Have somewhere close to where we could put a boat in the water.

Little did we expect that this wish list would take us to Ireland and Connemara!  In January 2008 we took possession of the keys for the house of our dreams in Clifden. It ticked all the boxes and we felt very excited about our move.

Community we decided was something we had to work on: We were very conscious of being regarded as ‘Blow Ins’ and decided it was our responsibility to reach out to the community and gain rapport with them. Why should they have to come to us?

They assumed we were just going to have a holiday house here but once we established that our intention was to live here all the year round they were more welcoming – shaking our hands and becoming far more chatty.

We would walk around the town; make conversation with the shop owners. Ask them about their business, listening to their concerns about the economic crash that had recently occurred and empathize over their worries.

We joined various organisations and found out about the various activities that were available in the area. And of course everyone was very curious about who we were, where we had come from and why had we chosen Connemara?

The first year living here was like the honeymoon period – people welcomed us, questioned us, entertained us and we in turn made an effort to reciprocate. We discovered the things and the people that we enjoyed and the things we decided were not for us. We made our own choices.

During the following years we made our mark on various committees and took on various roles that we believed would contribute positively to the community.

And here we are now in 2019 when in May we had the biggest shock of our lives:

During the first May bank holiday, my husband, Paul was feeling unwell. We discovered there was a walk in clinic in our local hospital and decided to take advantage of it. We were quickly seen by the locum doctor who advised us to go straight to the University Hospital in Galway.

After many hours of waiting in A&E Paul was admitted to the short stay ward and I drove home alone. I had trained as a nurse in the early 70s and through my training, although very out of date! I knew and trusted that Paul was in the best place.

Throughout the following two weeks I started to learn the true value of being part of a community.

While we had been waiting in A&E I had contacted one friend to tell her about our demise. She was someone I knew I could call on as a listening ear, she invited me for meals, she, and her husband were there for me.

During the next two weeks. I was in and out of Galway everyday and gradually others offered to feed me, provide help in anyway or generally be there.

At first I felt I could do everything for myself – being an independent soul! I cut the grass and realised I was 10 years older since I had last done that in Yorkshire and it wasn’t quite so easy anymore. The next time it needed to be done a friend came and did it for me. I was contacted by someone else whose son ran a gardening services business and he offered to come and see what needed doing.

Now he comes regularly and helps us out. Eventually Paul returned home and then came the diagnosis. His consultant invited us to Merlin Park where he felt we could have a quiet conversation without the hussle, bussle and demands of the teaching hospital. He explained to us what they had found and that he had already set up an appointment for us to meet with the Oncology Consultant – 2 days hence. It all came as a huge shock but we both appreciated the sensitivity of the consultant and the hospital staff as they were there supporting us.

We made a conscious decision then to share our news in our community. We did not want people talking behind our backs and wondering what had been going on with Paul and possibly misleading others with information. We chose to be up front with them and the response we got was phenomenal.

All the ladies gave Paul a hug and words of encouragement – of course he loved all that attention! Men shook his hand and said how much they admired his courage in being so open and honest about his situation.

There were offers of help and one particular person offered the use of her house in Galway during the times when we had to be in for treatment. That has been incredibly helpful because it means we are able to drive to Galway the afternoon before, go out for a meal (at a romantic table for two) and then be in the outpatient oncology unit the following day for 8am.

We also told everyone we wanted life to continue in as normal way as possible and for as long as possible. We continue to be invited out for meals, entertain and have fun. Knowing that the community is there for us when times get more difficult.

During one particular evening; as we were departing from another enjoyable evening meal I was taken aside and told to remember that “the door is always open”.

This year we have both recognized that we are in the right place. There is a very special kind of love in our community. People want to help and support each other and for this we are eternally grateful.

This is the community we dreamed of and we have found it here in Ireland.

August 7, 2019 2019 Community No comments yet

Ideas and The Eagle #9 #cong18

Synopsis:

Often ideas arise through “need or problem solving” whether it was the need to change, make money or because something is broken.  Throughout history things have become more complex as ideas have developed and the “needs/problems” of the human race have become more complex.

4 Key Takeaways:

  1. The Eagle
  2. Problems
  3. Change
  4. Progress

About Carol Passemard:

I am in the business of transforming people’s lives.  My goal is to empower you to be Mindful and Encourage you to be the successful person you deserve to be. Imagine discovering the key that unlocks your full potential and in just 2 days!

Contacting Carol Passemard:

You can follow Carol on Facebook and her website.

By Carol Passemard

Recently Carmen came to work with me on a Breakthrough Retreat; she had travelled all the way from Brazil because she wanted to change the way things were in her life and had heard about me through a Brazilian friend I worked with a few years ago. Carmen brought with her a fascinating story about eagles. She told me this was why she was here and looking to change her own life just as the eagle did.

The Eagle story went like this: When an eagle reaches the age of 40 its talons become worn and they are unable to use them effectively to catch their prey, their sharp beaks become bent and their feathers are old, thick and heavy making flying more difficult.

It is said the eagle has the potential to live for 70 years but faced with two options – death or change.

In order to change the eagle flies up into the mountains to its nest and starts the process by knocking out it’s beak on the rocks so that a new beak can grow in its place. The eagle uses the new beak to pull out each talon and finally plucks out all of its feathers; allowing new talons and feathers to regrow. The whole process is laborious and painful but as the eagle is committed to living for another 30 years it is prepared to make these sacrifices.

I assured Carmen that she would not have to go through such a painful process working with me and that we had two days to get her to a place where she knew how to fly again!

My time with Carmen caused me to think about how we as a human race have evolved from early man as hunter gatherers to where we are now and that in fact it is through our need for change that we create new ideas whether it be to develop new tools to improve our efficiency in growing crops or in this day and age developing computers and the advent of artificial intelligence.

In the early years ideas developed slowly and the pace of life was dependent upon survival. Information around new ideas would have been passed on from generation to generation; through word of mouth and no doubt changed as newer generations developed their own ideas. Interesting books about the way we have developed are:

Spiral Dynamics by Don Edward Beck and Christopher C Cowen
Values and the Evolution of Consciousness by Adriana S. James

Often ideas arise through “need or problem solving” whether it was the need to change, make money or because something is broken.

Throughout history things have become more complex as ideas have developed and the “needs/problems” of the human race have become more complex.

We are at a stage in life where there are now many ways to solve problems and choice has become an integral part of our lives.

In the 21st century with the advent of social media we have too many places to go to look for solutions. I believe we have reached an overload point

Here are 13 simple techniques that you may consider when faced with a problem that you want to fix and create new ideas:

1. What is the problem?
2. What do you have now?
3. Why do you need to change?
4. What specifically would you like instead?
5. What will this outcome do for you?
6. How are you going to know when you have come up with the best idea to fix your problem?
7. What are you going to see, hear, feel and say to yourself when you have come up with the best idea to resolve your problem?
8. Are there any negative emotions coming up that may stop you from achieving what you want to achieve?
9. When do you need to take action with your new idea?
10. Are there any specific benchmarks or timescales to consider?
11. What is your budget?
12. What is your idea going to get for you?
13. How committed are you to making this happen?

By answering these questions you can start to come up with thoughts and ideas that have the potential to overcome your problem.

If you already have a brilliant idea for something; find out if others have come up with similar problems and maybe your solution/idea could help them; in which case it becomes a possible way of making money. Or indeed they may have already come up with an idea the same as yours.

Make sure you do plenty of market research before you go too far down the route of developing your idea.

Create a business strategy and know when you need to stop if things are not quite going according to plan! This will save you time, money and stress.

If your idea is original, viable and attractive to others you will be in a much better position to sell it.

Where are our ideas going to take us in the future? Well we can continue to develop and grow through our ideas ensuring that they are not only beneficial for ourselves and our wider community but we also need to start thinking about what impact our idea is going to have on the planet. If we just create ideas that benefit our own pockets we are in danger destroying our precious planet.

Once the eagle has gone through its process of change it can go on living for another 30 years gliding around on the thermals, feeding on its most favoured prey and continue being the magnificent bird it was born to be.

Watch Carol’s submission below.

Listen to Carol’s #cong18 submission ‘Ideas and the Eagle’.

September 27, 2018 2018 Ideas No comments yet