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When you start organising conference with a great team of people and you have to leave the team due to personal conflicts with other people and mental issues, what is your legacy?

How about the team delivering the best conference you’ve been at where you felt safe enough to you speak about the mental issues.

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I have co-organized already more than 10 conferences with strong community – building focus. Both online and physical from 300 people to 10.000 people – in Poland, where I came from but also in Canada and US.

So what do you  do when you see an opportunity of organising a 300 people community-focused conference for the charity organisation that is your “mothership” organisation, you spent last 5 years contributing to? Yes, you guessed it – you start organizing it. Different country, different people but similar challenges and you expect it to be no different.

Removing initial hurdles, getting a few people enthused, forming the organisation and working together is what usually happens next. And so it did this time – great team of people started to prepare. Year in advance, plenty of time.

If not the organization hurdles and “difficult” cooperation with poeple from the mothership organization who think very differently than you of partnership, cooperation and generally being friendly and helpful. Plus getting into another depression episode which makes things looking worse than they are.

While you want to work with those great people you started it with, it gets to the point, where you can’t even think about being anywhere close the conflicting and hostile atmosphere coming from above (or so you perceive it). Depression worsens, You finally make the tough decision to cut yourself off from the stressors and quit organisation – leaving the people you brought in without your leadership and support, left to interact with somewhat difficult people and organisational hurdles.

Fast forward 9 months later. You come to the conference – fearing how you will be perceived and fearing the confrontation with difficult people. You have your part in the conference, you lead a track there so you had your part in preparation.

And … you find yourself at the perfect conference you imagined year ago. Perfect size, perfect number of attendees, great atmosphere. Difficult people are nowhere near the mainstream of what happens but you are welcome as a friend. The organisers not only followed all the intial ideas but surpassed it big time and even coined the term WWJS (“What Would Jarek Say”). You have great time with them – both during and after the conference and feel like you never left the team. But also you hear that the “difficult” people were even more “difficult” and you are happy you have not been involved.

There is the karaoke bar party where you sing together with the friends of yours and you are having a fantastic time.

And the event is just great, friendly and welcoming place – you feel safe and comfortable to make yourself vulnerable.

Then you attend a talk of your mentee who explains how – thanks to – in parts – your mentorship and creating a welcoming and supporting place she got out of the worst time of her life, mentally, how this changed her life, and life of her mother who came to the event from a small city in Peru.

It’s all so warm and comfortable that you give a lighning talk where you speak about your depression and how you cope with it in front of the attendees that just saw you smiling and happy – and they come to thank you for speaking about “dark side” and how important it was for them.

Call it a legacy – leaving the legacy of warmth and friendship with people you love and respect so that – despite some difficulties – they can create a great place for you to speak about your struggles.